Mind games

I sang for the first time today since Sept. 22nd. I'm confused by this. Why am I keeping score of this? Does it mean I'm slowly healing? Your mind plays games, in order to keep you in check. I think about the initial pain, and how it's slowly inching its way out of my being. I don't want to think of a future without my baby & it feels like the world is forcing me to. Am I healing? I don't want to heal. I want to rip that scab open. My baby is gone & I'm still alive. Everything with that statement is just so wrong.

If someone was as physically damaged & broken as I am emotionally, they would be in a body cast. But with me, you don't see the damage. There is no cast, no bruises, & no blood. They don't know that I've been in a different world wandering aimlessly, lost and alone. I need a heart cast.