How did I get here?

Do you remember the sound of my laugh?
You should still be hearing it.
The warmth of my womb?
You should still be feeling it.
Did the sound of Anna's bark startle you often?
Did the nurses smile at you, or will you only remember seeing faces of fear?
Did the funeral director tell you how beautiful you were?
That should have been me.
Was the last thing you heard, Mommy's screams?
It should have been "I love you"
Will you forgive me that you didn't get a kiss goodbye?
I was only prepared for a kiss hello.
Don't be mad that I didn't hold you. I just couldn't.
See.. you shouldn't have see me like that, in such dis spare.
And I shouldn't have seen you dying.
We're supposed to remember each other the way a Mother and Child were meant to be.
I hope Jesus held you tight and told you all the things he knew I wanted to.
I hope everyone in Heaven is rushing to hold you.
I may not have handled things the way it "should be", but it's all I could handle as part of me was dying along with you.
They say you're here with me, but truth of the matter is...I'm more there with you.
Difficult to know who you are, when a part of your soul already resides in Heaven.
How did I get here?