HOPEFUL describes today

The results are in. Everything came back normal. Normal?? Normal doesn't lose babies. Basically, normal equates to "Sorry Kristina, you got a shitty deal". If everything with me is normal, how do you go on to protect your next baby? You can't. I'm not sure what sucks more...this happening to me the first time, or not being able to prevent it next time.
What they do know, is that a pin hole leak in my amniotic sac happened (on a wed.) and within 48 hours an infection had infiltrated my uterus & baby. The infection took over and 7 days later it ultimately broke my water. There was no going back. No moving forward. There was no hope. This is the in-between I speak of.
I am hopeful that I will soon start the dreaded fertility treatments again. I am hopefully that I will remain at the top of their radar screens. I am hopeful that by this time next year I will be blessed. I am hopeful that I will again create life. I am hopeful that I am on my road to recovery.

I read another baby-loss-mama's story where she confided that her parents adopted her & her sister from Korea. 2 years prior, they lost their baby. She goes on to describe how if her parents biological child had lived, they might not have adopted 2 little girls, and thus changing their lives forever. She wonders where she would have ended up and what kind of life would she have. That baby went on to become an angel and help direct 2 little girls lives.To help form an unexpected beautiful little family..that otherwise wouldn't have been. One of those little Korean girls is now 30, and recently suffered a loss of her own. She often thinks about her little angel and wonders what kind of ripple his little stone will make in the pond of life. Nothing good comes from the death of an infant, but it can change the world.

I am HOPEFUL that one day I will see how my baby's short lived life... has made an impact on this world.