Be the change

Today marks 3 months since I lost. Lost dreams, lost a future of magical moment, lost a family, but most importantly...lost a person I created with another incredible human being. Can't you just imagine how incredible this little person would have been?
At the 3 month mark, I have such a different perspective on September 22nd than I did on that day. I would have done things differently. I don't linger too long in the compartment of regret. I was a blissful new mommy who was told "You are having a baby today and they will NOT survive". I have done an inconceivable amount of crying, some healing, and most importantly...growing during those 3 months.
I can not change what happened. I can not have my baby back. How I see it...you have 2 choices.
Wallow in how my life has taken an unforeseeable change for the worse and do nothing OR make a positive impact. I truly believe God chose me to carry an angel he never planned on letting survive in this physical world because I have a voice (as each of you know). God gave me that voice the day I was born and it hasn't quieted yet...so why should now be any different? He knew I could speak up and make a difference.
I have reached out to so many BL mama's who otherwise might not have a lending ear. I've sent them something to let them know we are all connected. We all have a forever hole in our heart that no one else understands or sees. There is no connection like the moment when you hear another woman say "I too lost a baby". And I don't mean a MC at 6 weeks. While there is heart break attached to that, it just isn't the same.

I hope to continue God's work & to find ways to inspire people to be kind and generous. We are all hurting in one way or another and could use a little more love. Remember that when you lock eyes with a stranger. You have no idea what they are going through. Be kind.

While everyone is enjoying this Christmas with their children, all I have is a tiny urn filled with my baby's ashes. And believe it or not, a small part of me is thankful to even have that...as many other mama's out there don't have anything to hold from their angels.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.  When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!