The clock of life

Tick, tick, tick...that's all I hear. It's like looking at a clock that's broken and you see the second hand trying to move, but it's stuck in place. Except mine is the clock of life. I'm standing in the middle of a busy street and everyone is walking briskly, and cars speeding by...and I'm standing still. Stuck. Stuck on September 22nd. Fall came and went. Old man winter is here. And I'm still staring at myself in the mirror, wiping away tears, asking "How did I get here"? Nothing in my life has come easy. Everything a struggle. I don't have a plethora of great friends, I don't own a house, I don't make a lot of money, I don't love where I live...but I thought it was all turning around for me when I was blessed with a wonderful husband later in life. It wasn't what or how I dreamed it would be...b/c I planned on being married at 25 and having 4 kids. Funny how life happens when you're busy making plans. But this was my turn. My turn for happiness. At what point does all your bad luck run out? I've gotta be close.

See with any type of loss..you're overwhelmed by love, encouragement and generosity in the beginning. It can even bring out the best & people together. Then time passes, and people move on. Except for the person who suffered the loss. They still cry. They still hurt. It has been said that, "time heals all wounds". I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

I now know who you are, and the pain is deeper than ever.