Project Thankful - day 11

I haven't blogged for project thankful in several days. Being thankful wasn't an emotion that lived within me for the past week. I mean deep down I'm sure I could sit and think of reasons to be thankful, hell, I'm alive right?! But for the past week I feel as though I've been sleep walking. Experiencing an out of body & mind existence. Wasn't sure if I just did something or even just said something. Honestly..just existing. I realized I haven't been feeling. I'm afraid this non-existence of feelings will become habitual. Will I eventually love again? Don't get me wrong..I love what I've already loved..but will I love something new? Will I experience any feeling other than sadness and hurt?
Anyway- I AM thankful. While my feelings bank is out of whack..I am thankful that each day I wake up alive, gives me another opportunity to work on who I will become.
I am thankful for the 3 people who molded who I was, and hopefully the best of those qualities will prevail.
I am thankful for my Papa..who we jokingly say "who made me the nut I am". He taught me about details. Doing things the right way, the first time. While the negative of this is worry, perfection, and tightly wound..the beauty of this gift is creativity, attention to detail and organization. I am able to fix things, think through, and prepare. All qualities that help you succeed in life and career. I am a leader because of these traits.
I am thankful for my Mommy. For the obvious reason of giving me life, but for giving me her intelligence. I am just like her in "cutting through the layers of life". (Basically...we both can see through bullshit!) She also gave me her memory. Like an elephant, right mama?! One trait about me that drives my Mom a little nuts and doesn't quite understand...is how I make things over the top. She's more simplistic. What she doesn't understand is that I actually got that trait from her. My most fondest of memories of her are when she made events magical for me. I'll never forget my Christmas mornings with her. From Santa making a mess of the cookies I left out for him, or how the presents were displayed, or how she made me believe that SHE believed Santa was at our house. I too, want to make all my moments magical. I look forward to the day where I make my baby's special moments magical, just like you did for me.
And then there's my Grandma. She has taught me love & compassion. My need to take care of - comes from her. My roots of marriage come from her. I am thankful for her giving me the strong personality I have. The "I'm not taking your shit" Irish attitude. You know the bulldog in me?..yea, that's all her. It's a lot to handle for some, but it's what has protected me and gotten me through. The trait that drives her nuts is my mouth..but guess what, that comes from her too! :-) She's taught me to be a strong, assertive woman. I wish more women were like this. The strength she's taught me...is what's gonna get me through this.

I am THANKFUL for those 3 people that have molded me to be a fighter!